Tuesday, February 26, 2002
From Television and Industry magazine
Dave Sanction offered first, massive, post-rehabilitation job.
Dave Sanction has been chosen to fill in for Conan O'Brian as host of the Late Show on NBC when the O'Brian takes his two week annual leave in August. Dave Sanction will change the name of the show to:
"The. Way. I. Feel. Right. Now." It is expected that he will be a great success.
Matthew 12:21 PM
Cereal Abusers
"Dave Sanction waved a piece of paper yestaday and exclaimed "we invite these monsters into our houses and share our breakfast table with them - I say no longer!". He was referring to
"a honey coloured monster frequently living the high life on ski slopes and at football matches.
"a cartoon tiger
Matthew 8:55 AM
Monday, February 25, 2002
From the Leeds Student
"all our theory bounced off him" - Doctors speak of Dave Sanction Ego-immunity
by Dick Ryder
Freud wrote books about egos, sick stuff about wanting to bed your mum and gay stuff like that - what a laff all that stuff is and how we learn it round here (remember that Friends episode!). Anyhow student favourite Dave Sanction - fan of the beer, like us all! - did have some trouble with his self and all. He explains; "life is a struggle...there are many people struggling out there...the dreams we have as kids fade away". I think there are a lot of sad people in the world but for something called "the happy" that if we all swallow wholly we will all be okay. Sanction, anyway, was in a bed for a while suffering from what he called "adjustment to next level of everything" but doctors labelled "Delusion Crack to Avalanche". They put him away and fired words at him. Different interpretations are always interesting to look at and if we do here we shall be able to see how people on each side of the issue differently look at the thing (Dave Sanction's Ego) under our topic discussion...
Matthew 12:22 PM
Tuesday, February 12, 2002
From Warwick Boar
Dave Sanction accuses the Lesbigay society of attempting to ruin his campaign.
Presidential candidate Dave Sanction, who received only two votes in last week's election, has accused "gays of rigging the ballot boxes." He has argued that in fact he received well over 3,000 votes, easily enough to have won the election, but that 2,998 of the votes were discarded by lesbo-sym-path-etic vote counting types. Lesbigay deny his claims, arguing instead that Sanction was impeded by beginning his campaign with only twenty minutes of voting time left. "Nonsense", argued Dave Sanction, "I've been campaigning continuously for this job for six years. I'm not going to start standing on a bench shaking a sign at this point in my career. I demand a recount."
Matthew 3:13 PM
Friday, February 08, 2002
From WarwickPiazza.com
Dave Sanction rushes to campus Friday afternoon, catches last 35 minutes of election vote.
Dave Sanction appeared on campus in a last minute bid to become President, on Friday afternoon at 3.25pm, only thirty-five minutes before polling closed for the 2002 Student Union elections. Voting opened on Wednesday morning and record numbers of students have casted votes this year. Dave Sanction is standing as a 'write-in candidate', although organizers believe that he will somehow need to attract 2,000 as-yet-non-voters to write in his name in the next half hour if he is to stand any chance of winning.
Matthew 4:41 PM
Monday, February 04, 2002
Alright people! It's me, Dave Sanction himself, writing to you from the Sanction Mancsion. That's right, I managed to escape that loony hospital hell-house this morning!
It was easy, I used the trick employed by legendary Peruvian serial killer, what's his name, when he escaped from Lima maximum security - I sat absolutely motionless without saying a single word or doing a single thing for an entire week, and then earlier this morning, when nobody was looking I made a run for it. Andy Utter was waiting outside the hospital with my gataway car. I have no idea in which part of my body my ego currently resides, but I'm well aware that there is a Presidential election on at the Student's Union and I'll be goddamned if I'm not going to make it!
In other news, I'm getting penile erections again. Oh yeah, baby, my post is hard all day long......
DS
Matthew 10:31 AM
Friday, February 01, 2002
University of Warwick Students Union realise past errors - atone with extreme Sanction-attention programe
"One Sanction Week is not so much fun" said Dubber "as a sin-eradicating essential"
Monday - Academics Salute!
popular campus figures abdicate their intellect and revert to primative idol worship.
Tuesday- "Im with Sanction who the HELL are you?"
in order to solidify the new consensus oaths will be taken and objectors will be ridiculed.
Wednesday - "Group Sanc"
Workshops such as; "His heart is so wide - measuring his parts in metaphor", "atoning for
live PA from the Iraqee Sanctions.
Thursday - "Day's Silence"
Friday - "Club Sanction"
a fun end to the week.
Matthew 9:41 AM
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