Monday, August 19, 2002
www.allcatholic,allthetime.com
"Dave Sanction's gigantic cock error was the direct consequence of a misplaced faith in the wrong God", the Pope tells crowds in Krakow, Poland.
Matthew 4:02 AM
Sunday, August 18, 2002
From celebrity-untruths.com
God tells Dave Sanction - "There's only one penis and it belongs to you."
Last night Dave Sanction watched pre-recorded video footage of God speaking to him; in a dream that lasted about ten minutes and took place at 2.43am GMT. God told him that there is only one penis left in the entire universe, the rest having been wiped out by a deadly and extremely rapid plague of the evil dickloss virus Brannan's Head at approximately 12.56am that same night. Sanction was said to be delighted at the news, and soon after establishing that his deadly torpedo still fired silky lots precisely double the length of his pre-grounded distance ("that's twelve plus twenty-four, a massive thirty-six inch wifesplash ratio") he ordered a T-shirt from CafePress.com bearing the now-fabled words of God, "There's only one penis and it belongs to You." He will wear it in front of schoolchildren in Earlsdon today.
Addressing reporters outside his Coventry house in a special press conference he called in which to break the news, Mr Sanction revealed that newly-penisless men had little to worry about, that his "cock has always been, and always will be, the cock of the people" and that he felt "honoured that God had chosen his penis as the exclusive piece of male anatomy on earth." Being charged with the responsibility of maintaining the successful continuation of the human race didn't seem to trouble Sanction. "In the Age of Castration one can be quite satisfied that Sanction's Cosmic Bulge will take excellent care of the ladies, and make strong and healthy babies."
Matthew 6:09 PM
Saturday, August 17, 2002
From reputations.org
Dave Sanction in highly symbolic pop-cultural nickname challenge to fallen legend Michael Jackson.
Sanction 5 frontman/songwriter/dancer in shocking "I'm the goddamned King of Pop, arsehole" threat to "Lack O'Blacko" (Wacko Jacko) (Michael Jackson)
Matthew 7:55 PM
Friday, August 16, 2002
From headlinesunlimited.com
Sanction Laughs Off Significant New Evidence Connecting Him to the Murder of that 7-year old Girl always in the Tabloid Papers.
Matthew 7:12 AM
Tuesday, August 13, 2002
Dave Sanction offers pun-based support to Bush administration on Iraq.
"I don't give a "Sad Damn" about the civilian deaths", says Sanction. "It is obviously that Saddam is mad, bad and evil. Who's sane? (pronounced Huss-ain) Why, Dave Sanction's your man." ("your man" pronounced "Ir-an")
Matthew 7:41 PM
Friday, August 02, 2002
Alright beautiful ladies,
I'm here to have your babies.
You might find me outrageous,
But my charm is so contageous.
They call me Sanction, Dave.
And with the ladies I misbehave.
I'm so cool, yeah baby, so cool.
The coolest kid in school (University of Warwick)
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Writing that poem took me the best part of the two months since my last "Blog" entry.
Love,
Dave Sanction.
Matthew 7:39 AM
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