Wednesday, March 12, 2003
Sanction Club-feed
<12:45 12/3/03>
Join Dave Sanction's "Well Into Pussy" Club!
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Matthew 12:47 PM
Thursday, March 06, 2003
Dave Sanction’s Television Review
Living With Michael Jackson, A Martin Bashir Interview with the King of Pop, On ITV 1
Lack ‘O Blacko (Wacko Jacko aka Michael Jackson) and I have led surprisingly similar lives. As children we were both beaten and molested by our fathers. We were both born with unique talents, him – popular music and dance, and Sanction – dignity and valour. We have both been falsely accused of rape. Lack ‘O was accused of finger-fetching an eleven year old boy. I was falsely accused of sexually assaulting three schoolgirls, and in a separate incident, presenter John Leslie.
The media has unfairly hounded us both. We’ve never known anything other than super-stardom. Lack ‘O was a multi-millionstar by the age of ten. I was born through the Messianic tunnel. We both have had giant golden statues erected in celebration of our form. Both of us suffer from rare skin conditions. His skin turns from black to white. My skin cannot be pierced, penetrated or scarred.
As lead singer of the Sanction 5 I had over ninety number one hits in forty nations. He made his name as the squeaky voiced African singing with his bro’s. We have both had children with whom our relationships are uneasy. Dave Sanction Jr wears a John Malkovich mask (received at a screening of Being John Malkovich at the University of Warwick Arts Centre) at all times. Lack ‘O’s children wear little multi-coloured feathered masks to protect their identity.
We both suffered children with overweight publicity whores, whom we have both since part company with. Debbie Rowe, we know now, was a surrogate mother for Lack ‘O’s children. I screwed Sherri in order to become President of the Student Union, and our baby almost got lost in her belly. Both women were merely accessories to our courage and careers.
Both Lack ‘O and Dave Sanction have had famous pets. I owned, and loved, Sanctsu the Panda. Lack ‘O owned Bubbles, a pet chimpanzee. Both animals were Chinese. Both pets died under suspicious circumstances. Lack ‘O was accused of choking his monkey, and Beijing accused me of deliberately starving the Panda to avenge the massacre of 13,000 Church of Sanction worshippers in Shanghai. The truth is that the tabloids killed both pets.
We’ve both had plastic surgery; me on my cock (to make it smaller, more manageable), him on everything. Lack ‘O appeared in the motion picture "Moonwalker". I appeared in the classic "Sanction Rides Again" and am currently making "Sanction Rides Again, Again".
We are both friends with the magician Uri Geller. We are both planning to Live Forever.
Martin Kashmir (‘Kashmir’ since he resembles the India/Pakistan border, and is just as aggressive) hassled Lack ‘O in such a way that reminded me of the way Terry Wogan treated me on my 1994 BBC1 chat show appearance. Terry "Sulk Hogan" (alcoholic, tubby, Irish, not a wrestler) Wogan treated me like the Son of God backstage, but then lampooned me as soon as the camera began rolling. He’d been on the vodka-gin, and was drunk as a girl, the daft old Murphy.
Anyway, Kashmir chided Lack ’O for his ongoing love affairs with young boys. Well, it would be dishonest of me to claim that the scene featuring Wacko’s arm around that young lad didn’t pull my paedophilic muscle. In fact, on several occasions I’ve been with young Mexican boys myself. Come round to my bathroom and I’ll show you a veritable shanty-town of willing young Latino participants.
The difference between Lack ‘O and Dave Sanction is that I actually get stuff done. Whilst Lack ‘O was singing "Heal the World" I was actually out there healing the world. Whilst Lack ‘O was singing "Dirty Diana", I was actually dating a girl called Diana, although she did come from a middle-class Norfolk background. Whilst he sang "Man in the Mirror" I was actually a mirror salesman (for a week when I was fifteen). He dreams of being Invincible. I, Dave Sanction, actually am invincible. The tabloids, the ex-girlfriends and the Chinese government will all try and knock me down but they will fail.
I AM INVINCIBLE. I AM DAVE SANCTION. AND THAT WAS MY TV REVIEW.
Matthew 11:08 PM
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