Sanction's Hard Post

2003-12-03T15:38:00.000Z

Sanc TV announce christmas schedule 6:00 - 10:00 AM Sanction's Sackload For Kids A garish mix of one-off christmassy cartoons, gungings and hyper-pop. 10:00 - 12:00 Sanction's Christmas Presents - Low-budget reworking of the former Noel-Edmunds-as-jesus vehicle. Sanction wisks a group of retarded children off to meet Santa at Milton Keynes shopping centre, followed by a fun hour on the

2003-11-23T18:46:00.000Z

Dave Sanction announces Grand Opening of new internet site. Fully-Clothed-Nudes.org ... set to launch next Tuesday.

2003-11-20T02:23:00.000Z

sanction manction raided! - police find indecent child. - Sanction passes buck Jackson-ward. - "yep, ok" is how it ended.

2003-11-15T21:39:00.000Z

Dave Sanction calls for changes in the law. "Let me drink-up, smoke-ass, cock-out, grope-tit, vamp-dress, tramp-down, wank-rape, torture-shower, fiddle-flick, perv-stare, klepto-fascise, bio-goggle, klap-trap, vibro-dil, nonce-nozzle, shit-stuff, sperm-wine, bazooka-charm, negro-fry, beach-volleyball, granny-strangle, cunt-handshake, necro-crucify and lesbo-capitulate legally from now onwards",

2003-10-27T21:51:00.000Z

ITV commision "What's the Score Sanction?" radical and contrived new football scores service in which top pundit Andy Townsend has to repeatedly question host Dave Sanction in order to glean goal and incident news . A spoken vidiprinter if you like.

2003-10-09T16:08:00.000Z

Dave Sanction Denies Rumours Of Suicide By Calling Press Conference and Slitting Own Throat. (Reuters)

2003-04-10T20:30:00.000Z

Dave Sanction's Penis Visible From Moon, Queen Says.

2003-03-12T12:47:00.000Z

Sanction Club-feed <12:45 12/3/03> Join Dave Sanction's "Well Into Pussy" Club! Join Dave Sanction's "Too Much Gay on TV" Club! Join Dave Sanction's "Lets Spend The Iraq Money On Sending the Immigrants Back" Club ! Join Dave Sanction's "Decent Cocks in Public" Club! Join Dave Sanction's "Skool Daze" Club! Join Dave Sanction's "I Am a Fit Girl" Club! New clubs generated 24/7 at

2003-03-06T23:08:00.000Z

Dave Sanction’s Television Review Living With Michael Jackson, A Martin Bashir Interview with the King of Pop, On ITV 1 Lack ‘O Blacko (Wacko Jacko aka Michael Jackson) and I have led surprisingly similar lives. As children we were both beaten and molested by our fathers. We were both born with unique talents, him – popular music and dance, and Sanction – dignity and valour. We have both

2003-01-22T11:40:00.000Z

Iraqee Sanctions to Headline Dave Sanction's "Peado Pop" Student Union Tour - "the backstage rider is going to be a small thing" confirms Sanction - full line up dependent on "ongoing police investigations" - "we're hoping that a few top name acts will be disgraced in the coming weeks and then fall in to our disgraced-price bracket. I've heard that a certain mister Elton J and a mister P

2003-01-22T11:31:00.000Z

a week in Iraqee Sanctions' media Iraqee Sanctions' Lifted! Strong man elevates entire band over his head as they sit in a mini cooper. Iraqee Sanctions' "responsible for the deaths of thousands of children" says John Pilger Sanction lays blame squarely at the door of HMV security services for gross instore-signing mismanagement. Iraqee Sanctions' Frustrate The Passage Of Vital Medical Aid

2003-01-22T11:26:00.000Z

Sanction Considers It Opportune Time to Promote the Iraqee Sanctions Always one to guage the promotional wind, Dave Sanction has determined that the time is right for him to launch his musical-tribute-act-to-his-non-musical-life - the Iraqee Sanctions. At the press conference he staged yestaday, Mr Sanction appeared with a bald pate and germanic-belgian accent akin to those endured by Hans Blix

2003-01-21T22:38:00.000Z

"Art is the reduction of the external apparatus into a form whereby it becomes the embodiment of spirit and freedom" - Hegel on Sanction.

2003-01-01T21:50:00.000Z

2003 - Chinese Year of the Sanc.

2002-11-22T12:02:00.000Z

Guy Debord amends his work from beyond the grave and publishes "The Society of the Spectacle of Sanction". He loves it all now.

2002-11-14T19:22:00.000Z

From PERSONAL PAST MONTHLY Dave Sanction traces genesis of thought and blood back to Sanctities - the clown prince of Ancient Greece. ...A school photo of the Athenian Class of (whenever it was) - there's Socrates lost in thought and next to him, Aristophenes (sic) with a dreamy look befitting his poetic revery and look - over there - Plato - why, he looks ideal. But whose that at the back?

2002-11-07T12:39:00.000Z

From SnootyNews Sancrtion supports Leslie, hearlds performance of Cindy, 21 from Surrey on Page 3 reports Dick T Rouble Sanction's daily press conference - when he burdens us with useless opinions on non-news - was particularly petty today. first; a pathetic attempt at headline

2002-11-02T00:02:00.000Z

Sanction retracts "I raped Ulrika too" statement. Stands by "I was raped by John Leslie" statement.

2002-10-09T18:01:00.000Z

"Sanction makes key decision regarding removal of Muslims" more on this story soon...

2002-10-06T09:19:00.000Z

Dave Sanction ego exact same size as Earth * we all have a Sanction ego layer - SancLaw prepare lawsuits against psychics and quaker oats for mistaking thing owned by Sanc for Aura/Readybrek Glow.

2002-10-03T16:59:00.000Z

Dave Sanction recalls past life as "absolute global power-monarch/international playboy" * Historians insert "very glossy" Sanction Age in to grand scheme of things. * aparently a time of great pleanty - "especially up top, on the women" recalls Sanction * social order thought to be first example of a Breastocracy operating under an Absolute Phallus. * theory that Sanction may simply have

2002-09-24T11:05:00.000Z

New 6-part BBC series - "Dave Sanction the Social Documentarian Investigates" Week 1 Join Dave Sanction as he attends a Breast Cancer Awareness rally in Washington D.C. Using a hidden camera to demonstrate the perverse nature of modern human, he crosses out the word "cancer" on his "Breast Cancer Awareness" ribbon using a big black marker pen, lets his dick hang out of his trouser-hole like a

2002-09-23T14:31:00.000Z

From MusicBuzz "Paul McCartney may have been 5th Beatle", claims former Beatle Dave Sanction.

2002-09-22T11:00:00.000Z

The Tower Twins The Movie to rival The Road to Perdition as hard wrought male trial and redemption story.

2002-09-22T10:39:00.000Z

McDonalds launch the McSanc * twelve inch sausage with attached pork ball parcels deleivered in a designer-denim zip up bag. The designer? Sergio Sanctio * meat so hard as to break teeth upon biting. Sanction safety campaign advises consumers to "suck it". * to replace simple hamburger as key component in Happy Meal.

2002-09-22T09:49:00.000Z

"The Tower Twins" Phenomenon by Roger Cook (exerpt) ...the show focuses on the lifes of brothers Chuck and Paul Tower, who also live in a tower, and in each episode find themselves in situation whereby they "collapse" in someway. In the first edition - aired yestaday - the twins had to cope with "the blues" as their respective crushes jilted them. In subsequent installments the boys will have to

2002-09-21T15:53:00.000Z

Revealed by Hot Fuck International Gossip Wire Network 2450! "The Tower Twins, Chuck and Paul, have Got Sanc too!"

2002-09-21T15:51:00.000Z

From PostElectro-Garb. Dave Sanction to travel to New York City's "Healathon" festival. "Touch me and you will heal", Sanction sez.

2002-09-21T15:48:00.000Z

"I GOT SANC" says the teenage girls of the world via their tight leather T-shirts. "HE GOT SANC" says African-American movie director Spiker Lee in new blockbuster black moviette "He Got Sanc" 6,000,000 "I GOT SANC" (rhymes more with 'branch' than 'bank') t-shirts dropped on Iraq. "SHE GOT SANC" t-shirts worn by yo fat mamma in da hood. HAVE YOU GOT SANC?

2002-09-21T13:22:00.000Z

Sanction produced sit-com "The Tower Twins" is hearlded as "totally now"

2002-09-20T19:21:00.000Z

Sanction Beds Nieghbour's Daughter * Women's groups express outragous jealousy. * Suzanne Smith, 10, supplants Virgin Mary, J-lo as feminine ideal. * Peadophiles hope pervy pass time will be upgraded to sacred status.

2002-09-19T08:26:00.000Z

Chinese declare the year 2003 and "all those thereafter" to be "The years of the Sanc". *modernised fable to hearld Sanctions clear victory over the scummy animal kingdom. * rats, horses, monkeys humilated by Sanction's fast legs *wins animal race so clearly organizers okay it for him to eat his competitors in iconic "Feast of the Fools" parable. *Chinese to formally sign over their rights

2002-09-15T06:35:00.000Z

From Modernitation.org Sanction to temporarily convert self to automobile for 2004 World Technology Expo. Sanction to be capable of top speeds of 260 mph. Sleek and sexy too.

2002-09-04T10:58:00.000Z

Sanction speaks of his pride as his charges The Sanckes take over "i know them all - they're great" said Sanction, decked out in ridiculous hipwear, "the drummer Fad, the singer Julian Gonewiththewinds and the lovely female bassist Nicola - and the father and son guitar duo, Albert sr and jr, prove you're never too old to rock 'n roll and pass down vital information".

2002-08-19T04:02:00.000Z

www.allcatholic,allthetime.com "Dave Sanction's gigantic cock error was the direct consequence of a misplaced faith in the wrong God", the Pope tells crowds in Krakow, Poland.

2002-08-18T18:09:00.000Z

From celebrity-untruths.com God tells Dave Sanction - "There's only one penis and it belongs to you." Last night Dave Sanction watched pre-recorded video footage of God speaking to him; in a dream that lasted about ten minutes and took place at 2.43am GMT. God told him that there is only one penis left in the entire universe, the rest having been wiped out by a deadly and extremely rapid

2002-08-17T19:55:00.000Z

From reputations.org Dave Sanction in highly symbolic pop-cultural nickname challenge to fallen legend Michael Jackson. Sanction 5 frontman/songwriter/dancer in shocking "I'm the goddamned King of Pop, arsehole" threat to "Lack O'Blacko" (Wacko Jacko) (Michael Jackson)

2002-08-16T07:12:00.000Z

From headlinesunlimited.com Sanction Laughs Off Significant New Evidence Connecting Him to the Murder of that 7-year old Girl always in the Tabloid Papers.

2002-08-13T19:41:00.000Z

Dave Sanction offers pun-based support to Bush administration on Iraq. "I don't give a "Sad Damn" about the civilian deaths", says Sanction. "It is obviously that Saddam is mad, bad and evil. Who's sane? (pronounced Huss-ain) Why, Dave Sanction's your man." ("your man" pronounced "Ir-an")

2002-08-02T07:39:00.000Z

Alright beautiful ladies, I'm here to have your babies. You might find me outrageous, But my charm is so contageous. They call me Sanction, Dave. And with the ladies I misbehave. I'm so cool, yeah baby, so cool. The coolest kid in school (University of Warwick) ---- ---- ----- ---- ----- Writing that poem took me the best part of the two months since my last "Blog" entry. Love, Dave

2002-05-26T14:33:00.000Z

New Hardline Sanction lays into the "mealy mouthed, wishy wash, tea drinking, thought thinking, guardian reading, homo-loving, liberal mafia that frustrate my plans".

2002-05-25T15:40:00.000Z

From worldwidemusicallovers.org Dave Sanction completes second musical. Following the success of his amazing record-breaking number one smash musical hit "David Sanction's Superstar", which only recently opened in a forth Broadway theater, Dave Sanction is at it again with a new show entitled "The Rivers of Blood". "It's my personal take on Britain's current immigration problems", said

2002-04-30T15:17:00.000Z

From DementedTissue.com Dave Sanction to stand in UK local elections, force electorate to vote for him. Dave Sanction will be standing in the forthcoming local elections, today published by, a controversial survey has revealed. Sanction will be representing the Independent Sanctionitical Party, on behalf of himself, for him, Dave Sanction, at the elections, today published. He will be forcing

2002-04-11T13:57:00.000Z

Dave Sanction addresses nation "She is in a better place - Mourning an all together greater tragedy" Amid this time of great saddness I want to assure you that the Queen Mum is suffering to. Her flight into Universal Sanction Consicousness has left her not "reunited with her beloved Bertie" (the Sun) but in full possession of shocking the truth. When I say what this is the gravity of the

2002-04-08T20:06:00.000Z

Queen addresses nation - "in these difficult times following the death of my mother I ask of you all to remember all that Dave Sanction has done recently for the University of Warwick student's union. Our nation will never have a better friend."

2002-04-04T18:54:00.000Z

From Reuters Dave Sanction spending week with Israeli army. Dave Sanction has been spotted driving military tanks around the holy town of Bethlehem today. Further investigations have resulted in claims that he has joined the Israeli army as a "free agent". Under the terms of his contract with the Israeli government, he is allowed to shoot at anything Arab or Christian, except Yassar Arafat

2002-03-16T13:06:00.000Z

Dave Sanction Launches Pop-Reggee (sic) Idol Dave Sanction hooks on to phenomena and steers it wholly new way - a vehcile to "revive the fortunes of some of the great pop-reggea acts of yestayear and introduce some great new acts". The artists featured; "the old skool" CJ Lewis Pato Banton Chaka Demus Pliars (now estranged) Bitty McClean "the new skool" Crazzee Little Rat Like That Big Bum

2002-03-10T15:06:00.000Z

Alrite fans! Good news. I've been up in Newcastle for the last two weeks recording with my joint top favourite band Smokie for their new album, the name of which I promised not to mention. I sing backing vocals on tracks 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 and 10.

2002-02-26T12:21:00.000Z

From Television and Industry magazine Dave Sanction offered first, massive, post-rehabilitation job. Dave Sanction has been chosen to fill in for Conan O'Brian as host of the Late Show on NBC when the O'Brian takes his two week annual leave in August. Dave Sanction will change the name of the show to: "The. Way. I. Feel. Right. Now." It is expected that he will be a great success.

2002-02-26T08:55:00.000Z

Cereal Abusers "Dave Sanction waved a piece of paper yestaday and exclaimed "we invite these monsters into our houses and share our breakfast table with them - I say no longer!". He was referring to "a honey coloured monster frequently living the high life on ski slopes and at football matches. "a cartoon tiger

2002-02-25T12:22:00.000Z

From the Leeds Student "all our theory bounced off him" - Doctors speak of Dave Sanction Ego-immunity by Dick Ryder Freud wrote books about egos, sick stuff about wanting to bed your mum and gay stuff like that - what a laff all that stuff is and how we learn it round here (remember that Friends episode!). Anyhow student favourite Dave Sanction - fan of the beer, like us all! - did have some

2002-02-12T15:13:00.000Z

From Warwick Boar Dave Sanction accuses the Lesbigay society of attempting to ruin his campaign. Presidential candidate Dave Sanction, who received only two votes in last week's election, has accused "gays of rigging the ballot boxes." He has argued that in fact he received well over 3,000 votes, easily enough to have won the election, but that 2,998 of the votes were discarded by

2002-02-08T16:41:00.000Z

From WarwickPiazza.com Dave Sanction rushes to campus Friday afternoon, catches last 35 minutes of election vote. Dave Sanction appeared on campus in a last minute bid to become President, on Friday afternoon at 3.25pm, only thirty-five minutes before polling closed for the 2002 Student Union elections. Voting opened on Wednesday morning and record numbers of students have casted votes this

2002-02-04T10:31:00.000Z

Alright people! It's me, Dave Sanction himself, writing to you from the Sanction Mancsion. That's right, I managed to escape that loony hospital hell-house this morning! It was easy, I used the trick employed by legendary Peruvian serial killer, what's his name, when he escaped from Lima maximum security - I sat absolutely motionless without saying a single word or doing a single thing for an

2002-02-01T09:41:00.000Z

University of Warwick Students Union realise past errors - atone with extreme Sanction-attention programe "One Sanction Week is not so much fun" said Dubber "as a sin-eradicating essential" Monday - Academics Salute! popular campus figures abdicate their intellect and revert to primative idol worship. Tuesday- "Im with Sanction who the HELL are you?" in order to solidify the new consensus

2002-01-31T23:57:00.000Z

No change in Sanction condition since Monday, doctors announce. Dave Sanction, in his entirety, has been in a state of permanent status quo since Monday afternoon, when his ego was discovered lurking in his right elbow. Since that revelation, absolutely nothing of any note has happened at all. Journalists cite the recent lack of activity for the recent lack of updates of his condition in the

2002-01-28T11:17:00.000Z

from Science Today "Dave Sanction Ego-Clot Brand New Thing" Dave Sanction's Ego - thought disappeared - has been located in the elbow of his right arm. Doctors got suspicous when the said limb started to get uppity and elevating itself involutarily above Sanctions head. It has also claimed unspeakable privaleges for itself - declaring itself a republic and raising an army of ants which patrol

2002-01-26T16:35:00.000Z

From the Weekly World News Dave Sanction in unprecedented 30 second ego boost of massive proportions! Dave Sanction stunned fellow patients on Friday as he suddenly became an egomaniac again, for a spell of about thirty seconds. In a speech that made Mohammed Ali look like a frail old lady, Sanction danced around the room, hopping from one hospital bed to another whilst waving his hands around

2002-01-23T20:14:00.000Z

From the Daily Sport "Here w-ego Here w-ego Here w-ego." Sanction to try out life as a top paid soccer star in attempt to win back ego.

2002-01-23T16:52:00.000Z

Sanction Walks to Bathroom with Aid of Nurses - improvements very noticible say hospital staff. Dave Sanction then returned from the bathroom, still heavily aided, and told reporters of his decision not to travel to Switzerland for an ego transplant. He explained "I was in a car crash there last year which should have taken my life. I wish it had taken my life, the world would have been better

2002-01-22T10:39:00.000Z

press release from Double Hard Trouble records "the size of my tears" ego-sadness collaboration between DS and DS (Dave Sanction, Dave Stewart) "as part of his ego-reconsititution programme Sanction has joined forces with fellow sufferer Dave Stewart for this haunting duet.... [more to follow]

2002-01-17T10:34:00.000Z

Dave Sanction enrolls on 12 step ego reconstitution programme... 1) Drag Yourself From Out Of The Debris - tatoo your name on your penis and worship a primative idol. 2) Develop A Group Ego - 1 week on the road with Crazy Town. 3) Detatch Your Ego Into Its Rightful Self-Box - 24 hours in the Mirror Vault - inescapable projections of your wonder at every turn. 4) Talk About Your Ego-trouble to

2002-01-16T17:33:00.000Z

Dave Sanction is to spend eight weeks playing tamborines for the Jesus Army after he is released from hospital. As part of the arrangement, Mr Sanction will receive basic food and board along with spiritual guidance and some towels. He has already agreed to shave his head but will also be expected to give up alcohol, drugs and sexual intercourse. When asked about the situation Mr Sanction

2002-01-15T23:30:00.000Z

From CNN.com Sony pulls plug on Dave Sanction computer game. Originally scheduled for a May release on the Playstation, "Sanction's Great Adventure", aimed for 7-11 year old kids, has been scrapped due to Sanction's massive loss of status since his ego burst. Director of Sales, Kazu Mitoshi, told reporters that "two weeks ago we would have expected Sanction's Great Adventure to become the

2002-01-14T13:43:00.000Z

Dave Sanction impotent! Penile erection rendered impossible with zero-ego. Mixed reaction from the ladies.

2002-01-14T11:55:00.000Z

Oh Autumn! Dave Sanction worships the season of decay.

2002-01-12T14:41:00.000Z

University of Warwick Student Union deny any wrongdoing. "He did it to himself", claimed Students with Disabilities Campaign Convener Suzanne Kenner. Her view was echoed by Jai Breitnauer, the Student Services and Communications Officer, who too told reporters that "he did it to himself." They were responding to allegations that Mr Sanction was severely drugged whilst eating his traditional

2002-01-12T12:12:00.000Z

shell-of-a-man Sanction speaks of childhood field ...report to follow

2002-01-11T13:44:00.000Z

From Reuters Doctors outline Sanction's condition to huge wide-eyed crowds at press conference. "Mr Sanction has suffered a collapsed ego on a massive scale of one hundred percent total damage. His injuries are believed to have been caused primarily by excessive success and his inability to cope with his own brilliance, although doctors have also suggested that his extraordinarily fertility

2002-01-10T13:58:00.000Z

Dave Sanction hospitalised! "Star Suffering From Total Ego Collapse" Former confidently spoken mantra; "All things are unto myself" becomes a pathetically slurred "All things undo myself". He is collapsed man - a boneless body.

2002-01-07T20:05:00.000Z

sanction sorrow statement.... I am very sorrowful. I hate projecting the front I do (pornograhpy, celebrity). Its all a lie. I am sorrow.

2002-01-05T16:32:00.000Z

Dave Sanction "Silk Collection" present www.cock2holeratio.com Got a favourite equation you would like to see acted out in sex? Enter your sum and our on stand-by team of math graduates/porn stars will bestow. Launched in association with www.homeworkhelp.com.

2002-01-05T13:15:00.000Z

Was spotted by TVs Jonathan Ross on the way to university today. He pretended not to notice me but his sudden fidgeting and sweating gave the game away. He didn't have the guts to walk up and speak to me. He just continued walking down the street occasionally turning his head to confirm what he had just seen. DS

2002-01-03T10:49:00.000Z

new year's eve review 18:00 down the students union with my campaign team and a bevy of beauties - intake 3 pints of bitter 19:00 over to the cruise/cruz's for a private prayer meeting (them toward me) and cocktails - intake 2 cocktails, output one scrotum-load. 20:00 Lou Reeds "Big Cat Prostitute Party" with the Strokes, Kate Moss et al - intake two shots of heroin via a syringe-toothed

2001-12-24T21:03:00.000Z

I've been given a wonderful Sancmas present this year. I found Julia slump-drunk in the corner of The Parrot and Pie two weeks ago, and since then it has been non-stop sex with her! She's a fantastic girl. Big blonde breasts. Likes a drink. Always smiling. Fuck the Queen's Sancmas speech, I'll be enjoying Julia's Sancmas teeth (wrapped round my cock) But enough about my life... MERRY

2001-12-13T10:15:00.000Z

new from the "Sanction Silk Collection" - adult entertainment for the emotionally stunted. Polly Filler - "no gap too small" witness an insane cock count (but hetrosexually) as polly takes a cock between each finger and toe in an utterly improbable group sess.

2001-12-12T22:51:00.000Z

From Reuters Sanction planning to adopt Romanian orphan child. Celebrity favourite Dave Sanction has announced plans to adopt a Romanian orphan for Christmas. The child, Davoghe Sancescu, is currently sitting in a big red package, that Sanction will open after reciting the Dave Sanction's Christmas Speech to his followers, on Christmas Day at 15.10 hours. It is currently unknown why Sanction

2001-12-10T09:23:00.000Z

on SancTV - a night of fundraising fun - "Sanction In Need" Causes include; Warwick Buy-off Guarantee - Sanction Resarch Corp have estimated that a bung of some 100 pounds should be sufficent to allay any other candidates noble motivations. Lets help the wretched! - Sanction's humanatarian programme - all money goes towards establishing Sanction Churches in deprived areas and rerouting all

2001-12-08T16:14:00.000Z

The News- "Dave Sanction "Jesus head up arse" comment causes massive religous uproar"

2001-12-07T10:17:00.000Z

Sanction launches 10 step christmas conversion programme (and some rationales) Dave Sanction, in a press release to everyone, has outlined a strategy ("valid from the smallest family to the largest mego-corp") to convert this year's festivities towarss Sanction-orienrtation. He justified it thus; *Sanction has better clothes than jesus. *The Virgin Mary vs The Freasian Mary - Sanction argues

2001-12-06T09:58:00.000Z

I spent the whole night dreaming about Sanction United Football Club. The team doesn't currently exist, but today I'll contact a few old mates in the industry and discover whether or not there is a possibility of getting my dream become reality. This wouldn't be some two-bit Neil Webb showcase on a playing field in Solihull, I'd want to be competing with the Manchester Uniteds, the Inter Milans

2001-12-05T18:15:00.000Z

Alright? Been down the student union all afternoon buying beer for the lads and wine coolers for the ladies. Had a really good afternoon, told a few anecdotes about my car crash in Switzerland and some other funny stories. People sometimes suggest that the women of the University of Warwick are not particularly attractive, you know, too many nerds, too many glasses wearing types, too many

2001-12-03T09:15:00.000Z

advertisement feature "Sanction says...let me publicise your cause!" Once asociated with Dave Sanction, movements and revolutions get off the ground. A recent symposium on Unaknowledged Major Causes For Events declared that "Sanction's Sanction is as effective spur towards success as an arsenal of weapons". therefore... order T-shirts! They follow this format: "Sanction Says...[your cause here]

2001-12-02T12:25:00.000Z

from The Sunday Sport "Angry Dave Sanction Accusses Warwick Student Union of infecting George Harrison with cancer" "My scars and resurrection are the news" he proclaimed, as a direct challenge to the legitamacy of the "Waricko-Hariso blanket coverage". He went on to attempt to undermine George Harrisons status as celebrity - seemingly confusing him with a combination of Harrison Ford and

2001-11-30T22:47:00.000Z

Sanction announces total car crash/rape/dead panda physical/psychological/imagined damage statistics. November statistics. Car crash body percentage burns - 0.000000001% Percentage Dave Sanction cock - 6.2% (October - 6.15%) Car crash bruises - 4 (Sanction now has seven bruises in total) Location of Car Crash bruises - Knees and elbows Mental trauma caused by crash/death of fellow passengers -

2001-11-30T22:28:00.000Z

Rumours of my death were greatly exaggerated. I am alive, happy and doing rather well. The odd bruise or cut here or there but nothing major. Not everybody survived yesterday's crash however, including the ol' Beatle George Harrison who heard a rumour that I had been hurt and died on the spot. The other four people in the car also perished. I have been invited to various funerals in Lausanne

2001-11-30T00:51:00.000Z

Breaking news. 12.31am. London. Dave Sanction sole survivor in horrific Swiss car crash. British celebrity Dave Sanction has survived a car crash in the Swiss Alps in which his four fellow passengers died after tumbling off the edge of a cliff. Witnesses say that the car exploded before it veered off the edge. Mr Sanction has been found sleeping in a bush on the inside of the road. He is

2001-11-29T19:34:00.000Z

A message from a Pastor of the Church of Sanction, Andy Utter. Given the urgency of this situation I would like to remind you all to turn to page 156.2 of the Sancbles. For those of you without a book, I reprint the following verse that should be recited loudly and continuously until further news on our leader is received. Lord Sanction, give strength to yourself. We prey you live long and in

2001-11-29T19:11:00.000Z

Breaking News. 19.02pm. London. David Sanction feared dead in Swiss car crash. Swiss police have confirmed that a vehicle carrying British celebrity David Sanction and four Swiss companions has been involved in a major crash in the Swiss alps near the Crans-Montana resort. One witness has told reporters that the car suddenly burst into flames and veered over the edge of the cliff. There are

2001-11-29T13:27:00.000Z

Alright? I'm over in Zurich visiting the family vaults. I'm in an internet cafe with my interpreter Heidi. She's sipping coffee and looking sexy and I'm handing out a few "Chruch of Sanction" flyers (in Deutch!!) and writing to friends. On the plane over here I happened to sit right next to singer/songwriter Stephen Merritt, and within the space of eighty minutes I managed to persuade him to

2001-11-28T09:22:00.000Z

From the "Have A Merry Sancmas-Compassion Edition" songbook Do They Know Its Sancmastime? (if so what the fuck are they doing?) In Kabul it is snowing but not snow- BOMBS [bomb sound effect] as soon as they stop sending us their anthrax we'll hault the onslaught It really is a simple equation comply and it will be cool you can reintegrate into the global community and celebrate Sancmas time

2001-11-27T22:04:00.000Z

From the "Have A Merry Sancmas" family songbook. The snow piles up thick on the lawn. The kids wake at the crack of the dawn. Under the tree the kids are looking In the oven the turkey is cooking The family will gather today To sit round the table and prey For the blessing that they all crave From a man called Sanction, Dave. On this day several years ago The lawn was a-covered in snow And

2001-11-26T15:38:00.000Z

By the reporters of Pandaworld.com and the Chinese News bureau Sanction panda burial attracts crowd of thousands in Beijing. Over nine thousand people have attended the burial of Sanctsu, a rare breed of Chinese panda that starved to death under the ownership of English celebrity-plus Dave Sanction. Sanctsu tragically starved to death in a cage while his owner was imprisoned before a court

2001-11-26T10:13:00.000Z

Great to be out it is. Just intime for Sancmas. My forthcoming project is to make the populace aware of the sheer miracle of my birth. If we all turn to page 123.6 of our Sancbles we will read; ...And thus did the cow-couple enter the shed And blessed mother daisy did down rest her head And holy-father Xii-stud did clear the ground of filth And out bestowed Sanction covered in after-birth And

2001-11-23T11:42:00.000Z

New from the Sanction Book Club- "Sucking Myself Off- a week and a bit in prison" In this new volume Dave Sanction recounts in real time the truth of life behind bars. *gasp as Sanction reveals the truth behind widespread buggery in a candid discussion of sexual politics; "lads need to get stuff off there chest as it were, so there is an unspoken consensus that a nightly fuck fest is

2001-11-23T11:14:00.000Z

Some bad news. My pet panda, Sanctsu, has died of starvation while I was in prison. News such as this really does put the whole rape case ordeal in perspective. I loved Sanctsu and now he is gone. DS

2001-11-23T00:56:00.000Z

From Reuters newswire Dave Sanction innocent, probably raped - now faces charges of perjury. At the end of a gruelling twelve hour session in court, Judge Simon Finkelstein ruled that Dave Sanction had lied to the police and to the court, confessing his guilt when he was probably the victim of rape himself. On Thursday in Coventry County Court, Dave Sanction, providing his own defence, told

2001-11-22T12:04:00.000Z

fanother selection from the hit (to be produced by Johnny King). I was on the way to a models house and you were one the street you tripped me up and begged me to bestow you a treat I was in the midst of a celebrity-sex schedule and my time was near full [delaladelaladadeladado] ... but I condescended to fuck you ["the bridge"] it took a few minutes right there in the street but I grew to

2001-11-21T15:18:00.000Z

So I didn't win the election today.... I had been hoping to become the new President of the West Midlands Prisoners Union but some greasy fraud-man beat me to it. I don't care a single shit! The prisoners are a bunch of hopeless, layabout, good-for-nothing thugs anyway, and wouldn't recognise a great man if he were eight foot tall. There isn't a single ounce of intelligence in this place!

2001-11-21T11:35:00.000Z

It is well known that creative things can come out of suffering. You just have to look at all that art stuff whats about the place. I have written this song which encapsulates how it must feel for Mary to know that she loves me (and that I pay lipservice to reciprocating the feeling). Here are some initial verses; the Prison-Heart song oh there are bars inbetween us and do you have the key?