Tuesday, April 30, 2002
From DementedTissue.com
Dave Sanction to stand in UK local elections, force electorate to vote for him.
Dave Sanction will be standing in the forthcoming local elections, today published by, a controversial survey has revealed. Sanction will be representing the Independent Sanctionitical Party, on behalf of himself, for him, Dave Sanction, at the elections, today published.
He will be forcing the electorate to vote for him by following them one by one into voting booths, and making them tick the appropiate boxes whilst ramming a shotgun into their guts. A spokesperson for Sanction stated that 'this is not some existential, metaphoriphyisical cine-matic jawbuster - this is the real hardporn thing. If you don't vote for my main man Davey Sancy you will be shot in the cock-arse-ridden throat.'
Conservative opponent MP Colin Draincy, Sir, accused Dave Sanction of being an 'elaborate schemer with dangerous thoughts in his brain'. His thoughts, however, were dismissed by Conservative Central Office as 'retrograde faff'.
Matthew 3:17 PM
Thursday, April 11, 2002
Dave Sanction addresses nation "She is in a better place - Mourning an all together greater tragedy"
Amid this time of great saddness I want to assure you that the Queen Mum is suffering to. Her flight into Universal Sanction Consicousness has left her not "reunited with her beloved Bertie" (the Sun) but in full possession of shocking the truth.
When I say what this is the gravity of the content of what I am saying will not register to deeply on you but with death it will penetrate so deep man
Sanction Consciousness is like falling down a hole. It cloaks you in Sanction Simulators whereby you spirit experiances what i experiance - heighted consciousness all over the place.
This is not mad science this is mad truth!
The Queen Mother is locked in a painfull, hyper-realised awareness that every pasing second brings one [me] closer to death. That the light will one day leave this world, that rabbits will cry. In her life she was a follower - comparing me favorably to Jesus - but now she is locked into my every sorrow and joy.
She - as a self-loathing member of the royal institution - recognised more than anyone that earthly authorities exist soley to frustrate my plans
Vote Sanction for Union President - Its what the Queen Mum wants.
Matthew 1:57 PM
Monday, April 08, 2002
Queen addresses nation - "in these difficult times following the death of my mother I ask of you all to remember all that Dave Sanction has done recently for the University of Warwick student's union. Our nation will never have a better friend."
Matthew 8:06 PM
Thursday, April 04, 2002
From Reuters
Dave Sanction spending week with Israeli army.
Dave Sanction has been spotted driving military tanks around the holy town of Bethlehem today. Further investigations have resulted in claims that he has joined the Israeli army as a "free agent". Under the terms of his contract with the Israeli government, he is allowed to shoot at anything Arab or Christian, except Yassar Arafat himself, or foreign journalists.
The reasons for his excursion are as yet unclear, although it might have something to do with the 75 solid gold Church of Sanction religion monuments which arrived in Bethlehem sometime last week. Dave Sanction was reportedly seen driving his tank into several Jesus things and mosques last night.
Matthew 6:54 PM
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