Friday, November 22, 2002
Guy Debord amends his work from beyond the grave and publishes "The Society of the Spectacle of Sanction". He loves it all now.
Matthew 12:02 PM
Thursday, November 14, 2002
From PERSONAL PAST MONTHLY
Dave Sanction traces genesis of thought and blood back to Sanctities - the clown prince of Ancient Greece.
...A school photo of the Athenian Class of (whenever it was) - there's Socrates lost in thought and next to him, Aristophenes (sic) with a dreamy look befitting his poetic revery and look - over there - Plato - why, he looks ideal. But whose that at the back? Pulling the goonish expression? Why, its Sanctities, the self-styled "philosofarter", a lost graduate who has recently emerged from relative obscuirty to be installed as "The Greatest Greccian" in a BBC vote, thanks to work of the Ministry of Sanction-Geneology. Sanctities contribution to the thought-revolutions of his time tended toward a particular area - his ouput started from the premise that his name contained the word "tities" and expanded this point to consider the questions: How can this be best be used to my advantage? How can I swing people's reaction away from ridicule and towards playful ribbing?...
Matthew 7:22 PM
Thursday, November 07, 2002
From SnootyNews
Sancrtion supports Leslie, hearlds performance of Cindy, 21 from Surrey on Page 3
reports Dick T Rouble
Sanction's daily press conference - when he burdens us with useless opinions on non-news - was particularly
petty today.
first; a pathetic attempt at headline grabbing;
"Leslie is a laugh innt. When he wears that kilt at social events I can't help but laugh - "Oi! Leslie! What does a scotsman wear under his kilt?" I tend to shout at him. Once i even went over and tweaked the hem, as if to begin to look up, which OF COURSE I DIDNT DO. Now we all know what he has up there - a penis, as I expected."
then a silly pean to "beautiful boobies".
"I just want to assert on behalf of all red blooded guys out there - Cindy, 21 from Surrey certainly has beautiful boobies".
Matthew 12:39 PM
Saturday, November 02, 2002
Sanction retracts "I raped Ulrika too" statement. Stands by "I was raped by John Leslie" statement.
Matthew 12:02 AM
Wednesday, October 09, 2002
"Sanction makes key decision regarding removal of Muslims"
more on this story soon...
Matthew 6:01 PM
Sunday, October 06, 2002
Dave Sanction ego exact same size as Earth
* we all have a Sanction ego layer - SancLaw prepare lawsuits against psychics and quaker oats for mistaking thing owned by Sanc for Aura/Readybrek Glow.
Matthew 9:19 AM
Thursday, October 03, 2002
Dave Sanction recalls past life as "absolute global power-monarch/international playboy"
* Historians insert "very glossy" Sanction Age in to grand scheme of things.
* aparently a time of great pleanty - "especially up top, on the women" recalls Sanction
* social order thought to be first example of a Breastocracy operating under an Absolute Phallus.
* theory that Sanction may simply have been day dreaming discounted.
Matthew 4:59 PM
Tuesday, September 24, 2002
New 6-part BBC series -
"Dave Sanction the Social Documentarian Investigates"
Week 1
Join Dave Sanction as he attends a Breast Cancer Awareness rally in Washington D.C. Using a hidden camera to demonstrate the perverse nature of modern human, he crosses out the word "cancer" on his "Breast Cancer Awareness" ribbon using a big black marker pen, lets his dick hang out of his trouser-hole like a kanga caressing a Joey, and then proceeds to walk a mile through the centre of D.C with 10,000 pre or post-lump women, groping their titties and saying softly "I understand your pain."
Week 2
Join Dave Sanction in a hilarious, touching and enlightning conversation with Dick "The Dick" Dirby, owner of the world's biggest penis. Their conversation is largely anecdotal, comparative and self-referential, but ends on a rather shocking note when Dirby is informed via a phonecall that his wife has just been killed in a train crash.
Week 3
Join Dave Sanction as he attempts to answer that King Question of the Question World, namely; are gays more likely to score with women. Dave Sanction and his less attractive friend Brian take to the street with two different chat-up lines to see which one pays off the highest dividents. Day one - and the chat-up line is decidedly heterosexual - "alright ladies, fancy a bit a male meat, a spot of the ol' hetero-humping". Day two and Sanction and his friend don some orange lipstick and fagrags - "alright ladies, ever done it with a Gay?".
Week 4
Join Dave Sanction as he walks across Africa barefoot, asking the natives exactly what they are doing to stem the problem of modern-day racism.
Week 5
Join Dave Sanction as he spends six years documenting the life of Jose Charez a.k.a "The Peruvian Monkey Boy" - born with a furry tail and a little brown head. Admire Dave Sanction's documentarian longievity as he comes to the fascinating conclusion that Charez is an abnormality and should be shot in the head.
Week 6
Join Dave Sanction in the Sydney Zoo for the pilot of another possible six-part series entitiled "Them Animals- What Do They Think About The Issues That Matter". This week Dave Sanction spends four hours in lively debate with a mother hippo concerning the Israeli-Palestinian crisis.
WATCH "Dave Sanction the Social Documentarian Investigates" - NEXT WEEK!!!
Matthew 11:05 AM
Monday, September 23, 2002
From MusicBuzz
"Paul McCartney may have been 5th Beatle", claims former Beatle Dave Sanction.
Matthew 2:31 PM
Sunday, September 22, 2002
The Tower Twins The Movie to rival The Road to Perdition as hard wrought male trial and redemption story.
Matthew 11:00 AM
McDonalds launch the McSanc
* twelve inch sausage with attached pork ball parcels deleivered in a designer-denim zip up bag. The designer? Sergio Sanctio
* meat so hard as to break teeth upon biting. Sanction safety campaign advises consumers to "suck it".
* to replace simple hamburger as key component in Happy Meal.
Matthew 10:39 AM
"The Tower Twins" Phenomenon by Roger Cook (exerpt)
...the show
focuses on the lifes of brothers Chuck and Paul Tower, who also live in a tower, and in each episode find themselves in situation whereby they "collapse" in someway. In the first edition - aired yestaday - the twins had to cope with "the blues" as their respective crushes jilted them. In subsequent installments the boys will have to cope with the "impact" to their respective "Tower-lives" from forces as disperate as cancer, mind blowing philosophy and the no-sanction-posiibility. Sanction explained that while many - as a result of September 11th - felt nameless horror or Species shame "or whatever" - he felt "that the terrorists had gone someway to realising a metaphor worthy of my life". He expounded "sometimes, ya know, i feel collapsed as those towers - really sad like. What those guys failed to realise is that this is only a mometary thing to be fixed up with some beer or girls or something...i remember thinking yeah guys nice start but your only half there". The series is Sanction's attempt to "complete the picture through arts and laughs". Hence, in last nights episode the brothers love losses were made good as they both nailed a couple of models who were far nicer than their original pair. Indeed, throughout the series this seems to be the reliable route out of what Sanction calls "the blues" - beer and fit-girl-fucking. "What Im tryin to say is yo get back in da game dogg" explained Sanction. Many of the shows more laugh loaded moments come when the Twins meet their muslem neigbour - the improbably named Majohnny 's Albiggie - on the landing outside their flats. Majohnny's extremely ingratiating to the Towers - sweeping the dust from the carpet so "me friends american can ave a clean gettaway" - but in private curses their existence and plans to "unleash a thousand deaths upon them". Many liberals have complained that this extreme two-faces this character exhibits will only add to the climate of mistrust and fear. For Sanction, however, once an Asian, always an Al Quida; "if the beard fits..."
Matthew 9:49 AM
Saturday, September 21, 2002
Revealed by Hot Fuck International Gossip Wire Network 2450!
"The Tower Twins, Chuck and Paul, have Got Sanc too!"
Matthew 3:53 PM
From PostElectro-Garb.
Dave Sanction to travel to New York City's "Healathon" festival.
"Touch me and you will heal", Sanction sez.
Matthew 3:51 PM
"I GOT SANC" says the teenage girls of the world via their tight leather T-shirts.
"HE GOT SANC" says African-American movie director Spiker Lee in new blockbuster black moviette "He Got Sanc"
6,000,000 "I GOT SANC" (rhymes more with 'branch' than 'bank') t-shirts dropped on Iraq.
"SHE GOT SANC" t-shirts worn by yo fat mamma in da hood.
HAVE YOU GOT SANC?
Matthew 3:48 PM
Sanction produced sit-com "The Tower Twins" is hearlded as "totally now"
Matthew 1:22 PM
Friday, September 20, 2002
Sanction Beds Nieghbour's Daughter
* Women's groups express outragous jealousy.
* Suzanne Smith, 10, supplants Virgin Mary, J-lo as feminine ideal.
* Peadophiles hope pervy pass time will be upgraded to sacred status.
Matthew 7:21 PM
Thursday, September 19, 2002
Chinese declare the year 2003 and "all those thereafter" to be "The years of the Sanc".
*modernised fable to hearld Sanctions clear victory over the scummy animal kingdom.
* rats, horses, monkeys humilated by Sanction's fast legs
*wins animal race so clearly organizers okay it for him to eat his competitors in iconic "Feast of the Fools" parable.
*Chinese to formally sign over their rights to measure their own time on Thursday.
Matthew 8:26 AM
Sunday, September 15, 2002
From Modernitation.org
Sanction to temporarily convert self to automobile for 2004 World Technology Expo.
Sanction to be capable of top speeds of 260 mph. Sleek and sexy too.
Matthew 6:35 AM
Wednesday, September 04, 2002
Sanction speaks of his pride as his charges The Sanckes take over
"i know them all - they're great" said Sanction, decked out in ridiculous hipwear, "the drummer Fad, the singer Julian Gonewiththewinds and the lovely female bassist Nicola - and the father and son guitar duo, Albert sr and jr, prove you're never too old to rock 'n roll and pass down vital information".
Matthew 10:58 AM
Monday, August 19, 2002
www.allcatholic,allthetime.com
"Dave Sanction's gigantic cock error was the direct consequence of a misplaced faith in the wrong God", the Pope tells crowds in Krakow, Poland.
Matthew 4:02 AM
Sunday, August 18, 2002
From celebrity-untruths.com
God tells Dave Sanction - "There's only one penis and it belongs to you."
Last night Dave Sanction watched pre-recorded video footage of God speaking to him; in a dream that lasted about ten minutes and took place at 2.43am GMT. God told him that there is only one penis left in the entire universe, the rest having been wiped out by a deadly and extremely rapid plague of the evil dickloss virus Brannan's Head at approximately 12.56am that same night. Sanction was said to be delighted at the news, and soon after establishing that his deadly torpedo still fired silky lots precisely double the length of his pre-grounded distance ("that's twelve plus twenty-four, a massive thirty-six inch wifesplash ratio") he ordered a T-shirt from CafePress.com bearing the now-fabled words of God, "There's only one penis and it belongs to You." He will wear it in front of schoolchildren in Earlsdon today.
Addressing reporters outside his Coventry house in a special press conference he called in which to break the news, Mr Sanction revealed that newly-penisless men had little to worry about, that his "cock has always been, and always will be, the cock of the people" and that he felt "honoured that God had chosen his penis as the exclusive piece of male anatomy on earth." Being charged with the responsibility of maintaining the successful continuation of the human race didn't seem to trouble Sanction. "In the Age of Castration one can be quite satisfied that Sanction's Cosmic Bulge will take excellent care of the ladies, and make strong and healthy babies."
Matthew 6:09 PM
Saturday, August 17, 2002
From reputations.org
Dave Sanction in highly symbolic pop-cultural nickname challenge to fallen legend Michael Jackson.
Sanction 5 frontman/songwriter/dancer in shocking "I'm the goddamned King of Pop, arsehole" threat to "Lack O'Blacko" (Wacko Jacko) (Michael Jackson)
Matthew 7:55 PM
Friday, August 16, 2002
From headlinesunlimited.com
Sanction Laughs Off Significant New Evidence Connecting Him to the Murder of that 7-year old Girl always in the Tabloid Papers.
Matthew 7:12 AM
Tuesday, August 13, 2002
Dave Sanction offers pun-based support to Bush administration on Iraq.
"I don't give a "Sad Damn" about the civilian deaths", says Sanction. "It is obviously that Saddam is mad, bad and evil. Who's sane? (pronounced Huss-ain) Why, Dave Sanction's your man." ("your man" pronounced "Ir-an")
Matthew 7:41 PM
Friday, August 02, 2002
Alright beautiful ladies,
I'm here to have your babies.
You might find me outrageous,
But my charm is so contageous.
They call me Sanction, Dave.
And with the ladies I misbehave.
I'm so cool, yeah baby, so cool.
The coolest kid in school (University of Warwick)
---- ---- ----- ---- -----
Writing that poem took me the best part of the two months since my last "Blog" entry.
Love,
Dave Sanction.
Matthew 7:39 AM
Sunday, May 26, 2002
New Hardline Sanction lays into the "mealy mouthed, wishy wash, tea drinking, thought thinking, guardian reading, homo-loving, liberal mafia that frustrate my plans".
Matthew 2:33 PM
Saturday, May 25, 2002
From worldwidemusicallovers.org
Dave Sanction completes second musical.
Following the success of his amazing record-breaking number one smash musical hit "David Sanction's Superstar", which only recently opened in a forth Broadway theater, Dave Sanction is at it again with a new show entitled "The Rivers of Blood".
"It's my personal take on Britain's current immigration problems", said Sanction in a busy London press conference, "and it addresses the important issues in a stark, yet visually imaginative form." Sanction explained that the musical consisted enterely of an existential discussion between Dave Sanction and the Ghost of Enoch Powell, whilst immigrants conform to their inherent racial traits on either side of the stage.
"It is to be taken completely seriously, but with a smile", stated Sanction, who has written all the songs himself. "One of the songs involves a bunch of Bosnian pickpocket kids working the streets on London, and its like that scene from the movie Oliver, although the lyrics have been changed to reflect the current mood. Sanction boasts that the musical will feature "wiggers in nogspots, bum-chums in Japface, and Texans in charcoal."
The final Act of the musical will happen twice for extra emphasis. This will be followed by two ongoing scenes to run concurrently. In the first, all Britain's immigrants are seen being thrown back into their respective countries by a man with giant hands. In the second scene, Dave Sanction drives a specially calibrated tank over 100,000 immigrant people, squashing them into full size Union Jack flags.
In the last line of the play, the Ghost of Enoch says to Dave Sanction "You truly are a great man. My political heir and a national hero. Only you can stop the RIVERS OF BLOOD FROM FLOWING!" The play will debut on BBC4.
Matthew 3:40 PM
Tuesday, April 30, 2002
From DementedTissue.com
Dave Sanction to stand in UK local elections, force electorate to vote for him.
Dave Sanction will be standing in the forthcoming local elections, today published by, a controversial survey has revealed. Sanction will be representing the Independent Sanctionitical Party, on behalf of himself, for him, Dave Sanction, at the elections, today published.
He will be forcing the electorate to vote for him by following them one by one into voting booths, and making them tick the appropiate boxes whilst ramming a shotgun into their guts. A spokesperson for Sanction stated that 'this is not some existential, metaphoriphyisical cine-matic jawbuster - this is the real hardporn thing. If you don't vote for my main man Davey Sancy you will be shot in the cock-arse-ridden throat.'
Conservative opponent MP Colin Draincy, Sir, accused Dave Sanction of being an 'elaborate schemer with dangerous thoughts in his brain'. His thoughts, however, were dismissed by Conservative Central Office as 'retrograde faff'.
Matthew 3:17 PM
Thursday, April 11, 2002
Dave Sanction addresses nation "She is in a better place - Mourning an all together greater tragedy"
Amid this time of great saddness I want to assure you that the Queen Mum is suffering to. Her flight into Universal Sanction Consicousness has left her not "reunited with her beloved Bertie" (the Sun) but in full possession of shocking the truth.
When I say what this is the gravity of the content of what I am saying will not register to deeply on you but with death it will penetrate so deep man
Sanction Consciousness is like falling down a hole. It cloaks you in Sanction Simulators whereby you spirit experiances what i experiance - heighted consciousness all over the place.
This is not mad science this is mad truth!
The Queen Mother is locked in a painfull, hyper-realised awareness that every pasing second brings one [me] closer to death. That the light will one day leave this world, that rabbits will cry. In her life she was a follower - comparing me favorably to Jesus - but now she is locked into my every sorrow and joy.
She - as a self-loathing member of the royal institution - recognised more than anyone that earthly authorities exist soley to frustrate my plans
Vote Sanction for Union President - Its what the Queen Mum wants.
Matthew 1:57 PM
Monday, April 08, 2002
Queen addresses nation - "in these difficult times following the death of my mother I ask of you all to remember all that Dave Sanction has done recently for the University of Warwick student's union. Our nation will never have a better friend."
Matthew 8:06 PM
Thursday, April 04, 2002
From Reuters
Dave Sanction spending week with Israeli army.
Dave Sanction has been spotted driving military tanks around the holy town of Bethlehem today. Further investigations have resulted in claims that he has joined the Israeli army as a "free agent". Under the terms of his contract with the Israeli government, he is allowed to shoot at anything Arab or Christian, except Yassar Arafat himself, or foreign journalists.
The reasons for his excursion are as yet unclear, although it might have something to do with the 75 solid gold Church of Sanction religion monuments which arrived in Bethlehem sometime last week. Dave Sanction was reportedly seen driving his tank into several Jesus things and mosques last night.
Matthew 6:54 PM
Saturday, March 16, 2002
Dave Sanction Launches Pop-Reggee (sic) Idol
Dave Sanction hooks on to phenomena and steers it wholly new way - a vehcile to "revive the fortunes of some of the great pop-reggea acts of yestayear and introduce some great new acts". The artists featured;
"the old skool"
CJ Lewis
Pato Banton
Chaka Demus
Pliars (now estranged)
Bitty McClean
"the new skool"
Crazzee Little Rat Like That
Big Bum Pumper
Ol Dirty Bag Of Tricks
Davio Sanctionio
the tour will take in Coventry.
Matthew 1:06 PM
Sunday, March 10, 2002
Alrite fans! Good news. I've been up in Newcastle for the last two weeks recording with my joint top favourite band Smokie for their new album, the name of which I promised not to mention. I sing backing vocals on tracks 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 and 10.
Matthew 3:06 PM
Tuesday, February 26, 2002
From Television and Industry magazine
Dave Sanction offered first, massive, post-rehabilitation job.
Dave Sanction has been chosen to fill in for Conan O'Brian as host of the Late Show on NBC when the O'Brian takes his two week annual leave in August. Dave Sanction will change the name of the show to:
"The. Way. I. Feel. Right. Now." It is expected that he will be a great success.
Matthew 12:21 PM
Cereal Abusers
"Dave Sanction waved a piece of paper yestaday and exclaimed "we invite these monsters into our houses and share our breakfast table with them - I say no longer!". He was referring to
"a honey coloured monster frequently living the high life on ski slopes and at football matches.
"a cartoon tiger
Matthew 8:55 AM
Monday, February 25, 2002
From the Leeds Student
"all our theory bounced off him" - Doctors speak of Dave Sanction Ego-immunity
by Dick Ryder
Freud wrote books about egos, sick stuff about wanting to bed your mum and gay stuff like that - what a laff all that stuff is and how we learn it round here (remember that Friends episode!). Anyhow student favourite Dave Sanction - fan of the beer, like us all! - did have some trouble with his self and all. He explains; "life is a struggle...there are many people struggling out there...the dreams we have as kids fade away". I think there are a lot of sad people in the world but for something called "the happy" that if we all swallow wholly we will all be okay. Sanction, anyway, was in a bed for a while suffering from what he called "adjustment to next level of everything" but doctors labelled "Delusion Crack to Avalanche". They put him away and fired words at him. Different interpretations are always interesting to look at and if we do here we shall be able to see how people on each side of the issue differently look at the thing (Dave Sanction's Ego) under our topic discussion...
Matthew 12:22 PM
Tuesday, February 12, 2002
From Warwick Boar
Dave Sanction accuses the Lesbigay society of attempting to ruin his campaign.
Presidential candidate Dave Sanction, who received only two votes in last week's election, has accused "gays of rigging the ballot boxes." He has argued that in fact he received well over 3,000 votes, easily enough to have won the election, but that 2,998 of the votes were discarded by lesbo-sym-path-etic vote counting types. Lesbigay deny his claims, arguing instead that Sanction was impeded by beginning his campaign with only twenty minutes of voting time left. "Nonsense", argued Dave Sanction, "I've been campaigning continuously for this job for six years. I'm not going to start standing on a bench shaking a sign at this point in my career. I demand a recount."
Matthew 3:13 PM
Friday, February 08, 2002
From WarwickPiazza.com
Dave Sanction rushes to campus Friday afternoon, catches last 35 minutes of election vote.
Dave Sanction appeared on campus in a last minute bid to become President, on Friday afternoon at 3.25pm, only thirty-five minutes before polling closed for the 2002 Student Union elections. Voting opened on Wednesday morning and record numbers of students have casted votes this year. Dave Sanction is standing as a 'write-in candidate', although organizers believe that he will somehow need to attract 2,000 as-yet-non-voters to write in his name in the next half hour if he is to stand any chance of winning.
Matthew 4:41 PM
Monday, February 04, 2002
Alright people! It's me, Dave Sanction himself, writing to you from the Sanction Mancsion. That's right, I managed to escape that loony hospital hell-house this morning!
It was easy, I used the trick employed by legendary Peruvian serial killer, what's his name, when he escaped from Lima maximum security - I sat absolutely motionless without saying a single word or doing a single thing for an entire week, and then earlier this morning, when nobody was looking I made a run for it. Andy Utter was waiting outside the hospital with my gataway car. I have no idea in which part of my body my ego currently resides, but I'm well aware that there is a Presidential election on at the Student's Union and I'll be goddamned if I'm not going to make it!
In other news, I'm getting penile erections again. Oh yeah, baby, my post is hard all day long......
DS
Matthew 10:31 AM
Friday, February 01, 2002
University of Warwick Students Union realise past errors - atone with extreme Sanction-attention programe
"One Sanction Week is not so much fun" said Dubber "as a sin-eradicating essential"
Monday - Academics Salute!
popular campus figures abdicate their intellect and revert to primative idol worship.
Tuesday- "Im with Sanction who the HELL are you?"
in order to solidify the new consensus oaths will be taken and objectors will be ridiculed.
Wednesday - "Group Sanc"
Workshops such as; "His heart is so wide - measuring his parts in metaphor", "atoning for
live PA from the Iraqee Sanctions.
Thursday - "Day's Silence"
Friday - "Club Sanction"
a fun end to the week.
Matthew 9:41 AM
Thursday, January 31, 2002
No change in Sanction condition since Monday, doctors announce.
Dave Sanction, in his entirety, has been in a state of permanent status quo since Monday afternoon, when his ego was discovered lurking in his right elbow. Since that revelation, absolutely nothing of any note has happened at all.
Journalists cite the recent lack of activity for the recent lack of updates of his condition in the media.
Matthew 11:57 PM
Monday, January 28, 2002
from Science Today
"Dave Sanction Ego-Clot Brand New Thing"
Dave Sanction's Ego - thought disappeared - has been located in the elbow of his right arm. Doctors got suspicous when the said limb started to get uppity and elevating itself involutarily above Sanctions head. It has also claimed unspeakable privaleges for itself - declaring itself a republic and raising an army of ants which patrol its perimeter. It has also converted all below - forearm and hand - into a trunk-like penis. Doctors are planning to connect some tubing from brain to elbow and wisper nicities in an attempt to draw it out and return it to its home.
Matthew 11:17 AM
Saturday, January 26, 2002
From the Weekly World News
Dave Sanction in unprecedented 30 second ego boost of massive proportions!
Dave Sanction stunned fellow patients on Friday as he suddenly became an egomaniac again, for a spell of about thirty seconds.
In a speech that made Mohammed Ali look like a frail old lady, Sanction danced around the room, hopping from one hospital bed to another whilst waving his hands around frantically in the air.
He told patients that "my EGO has gone to GOD which is only one letter away from an anagram of EGO, the missing letter is the LETTER 'D' from the word DAVE, of the name DAVE SANCTION." An bystander then threw Sanction a plastic football which he kicked straight out the window and into the top left corner of the goal at Loftus Road, a full two miles away. He rushed across the ward to 96 year old Mavis Strong and cured her cancer by stroking her chin. Finally he broke the long-jump world record by leaping just over nine metres into the sandpit in the creche provided for brain damaged children.
Then Sanction returned to his bed and mumbled the words 'that's how I used to be', before nurses helped him into his wheelchair and pushed him to the toilets. After his shit, nurses wiped his bottom and cleaned the toilet seat on which he left urine.
Matthew 4:35 PM
Wednesday, January 23, 2002
From the Daily Sport
"Here w-ego Here w-ego Here w-ego."
Sanction to try out life as a top paid soccer star in attempt to win back ego.
Matthew 8:14 PM
Sanction Walks to Bathroom with Aid of Nurses - improvements very noticible say hospital staff.
Dave Sanction then returned from the bathroom, still heavily aided, and told reporters of his decision not to travel to Switzerland for an ego transplant. He explained "I was in a car crash there last year which should have taken my life. I wish it had taken my life, the world would have been better off without me. I couldn't bear travel back to the country that cheated the people of the world my hopeless and pointless death."
Sanction's friend, and interim leader of the Church of Sanction, The Rev. Andrew Utter, told reporters that there were signs that the Dave Sanction of old was on the way back. "He has shown an enormous appetite for beer recently, sometimes drinking seven or eight cans in one sitting."
His preferred brand of beer is CARLING.
Matthew 4:52 PM
Tuesday, January 22, 2002
press release from Double Hard Trouble records
"the size of my tears" ego-sadness collaboration between DS and DS (Dave Sanction, Dave Stewart)
"as part of his ego-reconsititution programme Sanction has joined forces with fellow sufferer Dave Stewart for this haunting duet....
[more to follow]
Matthew 10:39 AM
Thursday, January 17, 2002
Dave Sanction enrolls on 12 step ego reconstitution programme...
1) Drag Yourself From Out Of The Debris - tatoo your name on your penis and worship a primative idol.
2) Develop A Group Ego - 1 week on the road with Crazy Town.
3) Detatch Your Ego Into Its Rightful Self-Box - 24 hours in the Mirror Vault - inescapable projections of your wonder at every turn.
4) Talk About Your Ego-trouble to Global Media - the first of several "express your weakness back toward a healthy narcisim" steps.
5) Sing About Your Ego-Trouble and Shift Millions of Units - see Robbie Williams' "singin' the blues" direction.
6) Take All Of The Worlds Suffering Within Your Heart - know you have all the insights into everything
7)Stick to a strict masturbation schedule
8)
9)
10)
11)
12)
the last steps do not apply as you have all the ansewrs anyway to pretty much everything as it is.
Matthew 10:34 AM
Wednesday, January 16, 2002
Dave Sanction is to spend eight weeks playing tamborines for the Jesus Army after he is released from hospital. As part of the arrangement, Mr Sanction will receive basic food and board along with spiritual guidance and some towels. He has already agreed to shave his head but will also be expected to give up alcohol, drugs and sexual intercourse.
When asked about the situation Mr Sanction looked up from his hospital meal and declared that he was surprised that anybody would want to have him around at all.
Matthew 5:33 PM
Tuesday, January 15, 2002
From CNN.com
Sony pulls plug on Dave Sanction computer game. Originally scheduled for a May release on the Playstation, "Sanction's Great Adventure", aimed for 7-11 year old kids, has been scrapped due to Sanction's massive loss of status since his ego burst.
Director of Sales, Kazu Mitoshi, told reporters that "two weeks ago we would have expected Sanction's Great Adventure to become the biggest selling video game of our time. However, since Sanction's ego burst, we would be lucky to shift more than five or six units. Not five or six hundred thousand units. Five or six units. His name is a log turd sinking in the sewer"
Dave Sanction is still likely to recieve at least a $14 million payout from the initial deal.
Matthew 11:30 PM
Monday, January 14, 2002
Dave Sanction impotent! Penile erection rendered impossible with zero-ego. Mixed reaction from the ladies.
Matthew 1:43 PM
Oh Autumn! Dave Sanction worships the season of decay.
Matthew 11:55 AM
Saturday, January 12, 2002
University of Warwick Student Union deny any wrongdoing.
"He did it to himself", claimed Students with Disabilities Campaign Convener Suzanne Kenner. Her view was echoed by Jai Breitnauer, the Student Services and Communications Officer, who too told reporters that "he did it to himself."
They were responding to allegations that Mr Sanction was severely drugged whilst eating his traditional Thursday afternoon meal in the Cooler diner, in order to discredit his Presidential campaign.
When pressed for comments on the situation, Mr Sanction, resembling a flaky brown leaf in the late autumn, simply mumbled something incomprehensible about a childhood field.
Matthew 2:41 PM
shell-of-a-man Sanction speaks of childhood field
...report to follow
Matthew 12:12 PM
Friday, January 11, 2002
From Reuters
Doctors outline Sanction's condition to huge wide-eyed crowds at press conference.
"Mr Sanction has suffered a collapsed ego on a massive scale of one hundred percent total damage. His injuries are believed to have been caused primarily by excessive success and his inability to cope with his own brilliance, although doctors have also suggested that his extraordinarily fertility has probably taken a toll on his mind, the part of the body that affects the ego the most."
Dave Sanction is likely to be shipped to Switzerland next week where he will undergo ERT (ego replacement therapy) His collapsed ego will be ideallly be replaced by one that previously belonged to a man who died at some sort of peak. One possible ego-donor is Zurich financier George Zwoll, who died last week at the age of 87, whilst making passionate love to Chinese-American teen model Samantha Xu, 14.
Matthew 1:44 PM
Thursday, January 10, 2002
Dave Sanction hospitalised!
"Star Suffering From Total Ego Collapse"
Former confidently spoken mantra; "All things are unto myself" becomes a pathetically slurred "All things undo myself". He is collapsed man - a boneless body.
Matthew 1:58 PM
Monday, January 07, 2002
sanction sorrow statement....
I am very sorrowful. I hate projecting the front I do (pornograhpy, celebrity). Its all a lie. I am sorrow.
Matthew 8:05 PM
Saturday, January 05, 2002
Dave Sanction "Silk Collection" present www.cock2holeratio.com
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Matthew 4:32 PM
Was spotted by TVs Jonathan Ross on the way to university today. He pretended not to notice me but his sudden fidgeting and sweating gave the game away. He didn't have the guts to walk up and speak to me. He just continued walking down the street occasionally turning his head to confirm what he had just seen.
DS
Matthew 1:15 PM
Thursday, January 03, 2002
new year's eve review
18:00 down the students union with my campaign team and a bevy of beauties - intake 3 pints of bitter
19:00 over to the cruise/cruz's for a private prayer meeting (them toward me) and cocktails - intake 2 cocktails, output one scrotum-load.
20:00 Lou Reeds "Big Cat Prostitute Party" with the Strokes, Kate Moss et al - intake two shots of heroin via a syringe-toothed tigeress.
21:00 Romantic tussel with my "regular" girlfriend the lumpen-mary in a dingy warwick corner - output one scrotum-load.
22:00 Lead church service/Rock In the New Year light show - output - much spoken truth, input - many souls
23:00 Elton Johns "Hallabaulou-baboon" - mix with TV glamour girls - do great imitation of that thing what that guy does thats funny off that TV show what we all watch - input - bottled beer
0:00 Telaport between all my levels in strobe like rapidity to finish
Matthew 10:49 AM
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